captcha idiocy...

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OK . . .I give up.

We are all familiar with the 'captcha' technology (by that brand name and others) required for posting comments at many sites. They serve a purpose I suppose ...but sometimes they are infuriating indeed.

What, for example, does this one 'say'..?? I have no idea. (Click on the image to see the larger image.)




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The second word I can take a guess at . . .but wtf for the first one..?!?

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. . .and yes, I know you can click for a new one. But just another layer of idiocy, IMHO.


Never a dull minute online.


...tom...

Sometimes...

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Sometimes someone on the Intertubes gets it exactly right.

Gate Rape

November 19, 2010 Urban Word of the Day

The TSA airport screening procedure.

My sister got gate raped at LAX.


Kon Tiki got it right and s/he made it 'short-n-sweet' to match the attention span of the average net-surfer.

Ya gotta strike while the iron is hot and match the mood of your readers. The topic may be dead in a week ( I doubt it... ) but for now it is the perfect Intertubes posting.


Nice job Kon Tiki and urban dictionary.



...tom...
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Smurfs vs Obama

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One of the features I really like about the Mozilla Firefox browser is the auto-spellcheck function. It is nice to see misspelled words politely underlined in red to let you know something is amiss.

But I do find some of its idiosyncrasies (Firefox spellcheck used right there..!!) to be amusing.

Photo credit: Mary Shaw

Photo credit: villagevoice.com

The Firefox spell-check function will offer the correct spelling of 'Smurfs' . . .but not 'Obama'..??

They cannot 'push' the spelling of Obama into their online spellcheck dictionary..??


Too funny.



...tom...
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Onion bullsh!t...

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A little off color for me . . .but too funny (and true) to resist sharing.




Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere


"I'm just some phucking guy."

Too funny.



...tom...
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OnlineTaxRevolt dot com

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Look at your pay stub. Not your 'take home' pay amount. But your total earnings before any taxes are taken out. Now add in another 7-plus percent taxes paid by your employer.

Imagine getting all that gross income. Imagine not having to worry about 'net' income ever again. Except for the deductions you choose to make.


Look at your tax return as you prepare it this spring. Not at the $200 or $2000 you might get back. Instead look at the thousands of dollars they take from you. Every day, every week, every month, every year.


It is time to tell them no more. It is time to remind them they work for you not you for them.

It is time for you to educate yourself about the true cost of our current tax system and the inequities and outrageous impact it has on every citizen of the country.

Image source: Zzyzx11 via Creative Commons license

Visit Online Tax Revolt dot com and join up. Sure it is a superficial, silly effort ...perhaps in the end meaning nothing.

But ya gotta start somewhere.

Just like Peter Finch in the old school film Network ...as some point you have to get up, go to the window and shout:

" I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! "


It is time people. Let's stop the nonsense.



...tom...
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one in 1.75 Billion...

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A recent online solicitation I received:

"WIN $5,000 A WEEK for Life!"

Geezus..!! Where do I go to sign-up..!?!


Of course, once I check it out a little more thoroughly ...this missive from Publishers Clearing House ...once I check it out thoroughly I see the odds of winning are "1 in 1,750,000,000"..!! One in one point 75 Billion..!! And I thought the Powerball lottery odds were long..!!


Lets see, what is the current world population ...sleeper runs off to 'Google it'. Hmmm, just over 6.8 billion peeps, number courtesy of your tax dollars.


So if aliens were to swoop down and abduct 4 random earthlings from the entire world's population . . .that would be about my odds of being implanted with an anal probe. Or of winning the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes. Ha. Like that is gonna happen

Image source: Clinton Steeds via Creative Commons license

Hey, did you hear that..?!? Strange lights and noises outside my bedroom window ...I better go investigate. Well ...as soon as I complete my Publishers Clearing House entry..!!



...tom...
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Customer service is NOT dead...

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I am on the generic Amazon dot com customer e-mail list. Occasionally users receive offers and suggestions for products based on their previous purchases and ratings at the site.

Several days ago I received an e-mail with this one, 100 Words for Lovers. as a featured product for me.

Any reader of this blog would know this is a product that might interest me, no surprise there. But what was a surprise was the fact it was tagged with a '1% Off' 'sticker'.

My gawd..!! 1 percent..!! Quick, do the math, six cents..!! Be still my beating heart..!!





Well, that was just too rich and too silly to let pass 'uncommented'. So I dug through the Amazon website, found the customer service email address and dashed off a quick note to them:

hey there...

I appreciate in these tough economic times that you are going all out to help the struggling consumer.

Your recent e-mail notice of a $5.95 book offered at 1% off is a great example. It is not every day that a consumer can save _six_cents_ on a purchase. I mean, every penny counts . . .I guess.

So thanks again.


...tom...

I mean, I just had to thank them for their marketing savvy..!!


They state at the site that they will try to respond in less than 24 hours . . .and respond they did:

Hello,

Thanks for sending us your comments! We want to provide service on a level customers will remember, and it's great to know we've succeeded.

We look forward to filling your next order!

Please let us know if this e-mail resolved your question:

--snip--

Best regards,

Anu S.
Amazon.com
We're Building Earth's Most Customer-Centric Company

...sigh...

"...and it's great to know we've succeeded."


Well, I guess I should have expected the 'form letter approach' rather than a 'yeah, that is a pretty silly offer, ehh..??' reply.


Go get 'em, Amazon dot com. You certainly wowed this customer.


...tom...
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Talking nonsense

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Sorry, no deep analysis of 'talking nonsense' to follow. Just an observation.


An old (circa 2006) thought found while reading on Epinions dot com:

"I originally had a lot more to say, but a lot of it makes less sense than what I just typed, so I should just stop here."




Damn it people..!! That is why we read on the Internet: to find nonsense..!! Quit self-censoring your thoughts..!!


Talking nonsense, posting nonsense . . .opposite sides of the same coin...


...tom...
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Cash for Clunkers aka CARS

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OK, let me get this straight.

Because my wife and I made an intelligent car-buying decision a decade ago, because we chose a vehicle with a higher EPA MPG rating, because we made a smart purchasing decision . . .

Because of that, we are now penalized by this latest (or surely not, by now) government give-away of our children's future productivity and tax payments.


Ya know, I am not just whining because I do not get to dip my snout in the public trough (OK, maybe just a little bit I am) but this is once again another example of rewarding poor decisions and bad behavior.


What a joke.



Our clunker: a 1997 Chevy Venture van that hauled three kids around to soccer, Scouts, softball tournaments, church, family vacations and on and on...

Image source: automotive.com

Of course, ours has 150k-plus miles and is a lot more road-weary and road-worn than this pristine file photo image.


Would be nice to get a little free sugar money to trade it in for something with better mileage. But no, the MPG is ONE MPG above the limit.


OK, now I am done whining...



...tom...
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Rolling the cheese...

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Dang it. It is content like this that makes the Intertubes so valuable.





Forget science, knowledge, social justice, politics, families and friends, space, derailing global warming, h3ll ...even forget about porn ...forget about all that. The Intertubes is not about doing it smarter, faster, better, with more connections...

No, the intertubes is all about seeing grown men (and women) falling down a steep hill while chasing wheels of cheese.


As noted in the accompanying article at The Big Picture, for more than 200 years now, once a year peeps have been chasing 8 pound wheels of Double Gloucester Cheese down a steep hillside.


Here, from the official website at Cheese Rollin In Gloucestershire is a view looking down from the top of the hill.




Why this does not rank right up there with the festival of San Fermin, the running of the bulls at Pamplona, I have no idea. Perhaps it just needs a mention in a Hemingway novel...


...tom...
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The hyperbole of LeBron...

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" James nearly averaged a triple-double -- 32 points, 11.3 rebounds and 7.5 assists -- as the top-seeded Cavaliers breezed through the first round of the playoffs, ... "

OK, we can agree LeBron James is the class of the NBA this season. Just named MVP of this 2008-2009 season and having already finished second in the race for defensive player of the year, no one is the equal of Lebron right now.

Image source: Craig Hatfield via flickr dot com

So is the hyperbole of Associated Press writer Tom Withers quoted above really necessary..?? 'Nearly averaged a triple-double'..?!? Uhmm ...7.5 assists per game is a long way from the 10 assists per game that would earn that 'triple double' note.

If a NBA player scored 30 points, would you say he nearly scored 40 points..?? I do not think so. If a horse lost the Belmont Stakes by twenty lengths, would you say he nearly won the Triple Crown..?? Even if the horse had won the first two races..?? I do not think so.

No matter how you want to look at it, 7.5 is a long way from 10.


LeBron is good enough to not need overblown hyperbole to note his level of performance. Tell us what he did, not what he almost 'but really did not come close' did.


That said, I am looking forward to watching him continue at a high level through the Cleveland Cavalier's playoff run.



...tom...
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PEBKAC

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I am not a 'help desk' worker, never have been one.

But I have tried, more than a few times, to help co-workers or my kids drill their way through a computer problem or two. I do not think I made things much worse than they already were...


But when I saw this cartoon on teh intertubes recently:




...I just had to laugh.

I am sure I will be thinking 'PEBKAC' about many things I see online going forward.



...tom...
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Postpone your love bomb's explode

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It is always a little scary to go dumpster-diving into your e-mail account's spam folder. But sometimes you are missing a message someone swears they sent you ... so there you are. Time to lift the lid and start digging through the garbage.

Image source: stumptownpanda via flickr dot com

I would not be so upset with spam in general if they would not get so personal ...why they gotta bring my wife into it..??

"Your wife need attention? Solve all the problems with IT"

What..?!? This 'businessman' has been hacking her e-mails to her friends or eavesdropping on water-cooler conversations with her friends at work..?? How come I gotta here this from you..??


Other peeps think my girlfriends are suffering...

"You want to impress your girlfriend tonight?"

Another perv wonders the same thing in an earlier e-mail.


While many just keep it uncomplicated, not worrying whether my love is a wife or a girlfriend. But somehow they all know I need to make her happier:

"Make your hammering fantastic 8N907"
"Hey, are you the guy who cannot make love?"
"Make sure that you made your woman happy tonight"
"Give your lady crazy enjoyment"
"For those who want to satisfy their women"


And hey . . .when they start pointing out my possible ...'shortcomings':

"Worried that tiny size will get you down?"
"The longer your tool is, the longer your fun in bed lasts"
"Do you want enlarge yours penis?"
"Make it reach your knee"
"Natural large hose maker"
"Wanna get a larger boner?"
"Power up your package"
"Put on inches instantly"
"Easiest way to gain mass"
"Be happy with measurements"

. . .well hey, that is the last straw, you bastards..!!


Geezus. Why doncha just come over and kick sand in my face..?? After all this you want me to click your e-mail open and read your message, eager to 'turn (my) bedroom life into a volcano of pleasure' by sending my money to you..?!?

Fat chance. Which just happens to be my wife's answer to my desire to 'put (my) doughnut in her oven tonight.'


Anyway, my thanks to Adger, Anibal, Antoinette, Aldridge, Alain, Adan, Adolf, Alair, Adlai, Alic, Alastair, Alfy, Alfonso, Adair, Aditya, Al (Al Davis for crying out loud..!!) Albie, Abram (you all noticing a pattern here..??) and all the rest.


Now get the hell out of my e-mail account..!!


...tom...
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Chillin' with the lettuce ladies...

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I am sure you all have your own ideas about the actions and goals of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Myself, I enjoy the meat thing: steaks, grilled hamburgers and brats, sausage pizza. All the stuff that is surely killing me. Here in Iowa, where the hogs outnumber the people, the meat-eaters definitely outnumber the vegans and vegetarian.


Today, two young PETA representatives were in town doing their part to raise awareness of the rights of farm animals. I think all the meat-lovers in Central Iowa embraced them. The animal rights ideas I mean.

To call attention to their ideas they dressed in 'lettuce wraps' (essentially a bikini with a wrap skirt) and stood on a downtown corner in Des Moines to hand out free 'tofurkey' and lettuce sandwiches. This on a day when the January temperatures in Iowa were in the twenties and the windchill temps in the teens.




From the pics here you can easily see why this 'event' caught my eye.







Unfortunately, I was not able to get downtown and grab my free, and surely tasty, 'tofurkey' sandwich. Yum.


Here is the link to a short video by the local newspaper and an mp3 link to a local talk show that had the young ladies on as guests. You can imagine the friendly reception they got from the livestock farmers of Central Iowa.


I applaud the young ladies efforts and beliefs. Not sure they or their organization are getting to the real truth of animal farming or accomplishing anything substantive . . .but such is the American way.


...tom...
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Sexy panda..!!

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Shamelessly stolen, err ...borrowed from car54 ...err Colloquy ...err Stacy.
(Damn, this girl has a real identity crisis..!!)


Some Barry White would have really 'sexed' this one up...





I feel almost silly for labeling this one 'Nature'... This video almost perfectly defines my sense of humor ... yes, it is dark and awfully silly in here.


...tom...
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I hope the Iraqis realize...

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RE: the shoe-throwing incident involving President Bush and an Iraqi journalist:





I read now the 'shoe thrower' is being celebrated as a 'folk-hero'.

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Ya know, I wonder how Saddam Hussein would have dealt with someone who threw a shoe at him..?? Or one of his guests..??


I hope to hell the Iraqi people realize just how free they are now.


Unfortunately, I am afraid the irony will be lost on them. Such is the thanks we get for our years of work and our blood shed on their soil.

Thank you very much.


...tom...
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Dr. Pepper Sucks..!!

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Dr. Pepper sucks.

Or at least the corporate and logistics side of Dr. Pepper sucks.


You have all surely heard the story of Dr,. Peppers plans to give a free can of Dr. Pepper "every man, woman and child in the U.S." if the band Guns N' Roses released their Chinese Democracy disc before the close of 2008.

Image source: Denise&David via flickr dot com

An MTV page dated October 16, 2008 states:

The Dr Pepper spokesperson told MTV News that, while additional details will be forthcoming, the company's plan to distribute free cans of its product will involve some sort of an online coupon system. "People will go on Dr Pepper's Web site and we will send them a coupon for a free one," the spokesperson confirmed. "It's going to be real easy."

'Real easy'. Yeah right.

Well guess what happens when you try to log onto the site today, November 23, the date picked for the one-day coupon give-away...


You got it. Site hangs up or bounces you back to the registration page. Yup, that is right, they make you register at the site before you can even try to get to the actual page where (I assume) you might enter your mailing address for the coupon.

Do they strip the page down, get rid of the graphics so it loads quicker..?? No. Do they make it easy to leave a name and address..?? No. Though I suppose that might cut down on multiple requests from one individual.

All the while a clock ticks away at the top of the website, taunting you about how much time is left to 'register' for your free coupon...




Repeated attempts to enter and submit the information results in being bounced back to the same page sans some entered information. Or you are dumped at a stark 'Service Unavailable' page.

Efforts to call the listed toll-free number: 1-800-6965891, are, of course, fruitless as it either never connects or you get a busy signal.


Geezus. Hey Dr. Pepper: did you plan this out at all..?? Did you give some thought as to how you would handle the demand..?? Did you beef up your server base..?? Consider a longer submission period..?? Plan for anything that might have been 'customer friendly'..??


Well screw you. I will never buy another Dr. Pepper product again if my efforts to get this stupid free coupon go unrequited..!! And I will use the influence of this blog to keep thousands from doing the same . . .OK, maybe two or three peeps, if I am lucky.


But seriously . . .what the h3ll were you thinking..??


...sigh... OK, I am going back in for one more try ... wish me luck.


...tom...
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