It is always a little scary to go dumpster-diving into your e-mail account's spam folder. But sometimes you are missing a message someone swears they sent you ... so there you are. Time to lift the lid and start digging through the garbage.
Image source: stumptownpanda via flickr dot com
I would not be so upset with spam in general if they would not get so personal ...why they gotta bring my wife into it..??
"Your wife need attention? Solve all the problems with IT"
What..?!? This 'businessman' has been hacking her e-mails to her friends or eavesdropping on water-cooler conversations with her friends at work..?? How come I gotta here this from you..??
Other peeps think my girlfriends are suffering...
"You want to impress your girlfriend tonight?"
Another perv wonders the same thing in an earlier e-mail.
While many just keep it uncomplicated, not worrying whether my love is a wife or a girlfriend. But somehow they all know I need to make her happier:
"Make your hammering fantastic 8N907"
"Hey, are you the guy who cannot make love?"
"Make sure that you made your woman happy tonight"
"Give your lady crazy enjoyment"
"For those who want to satisfy their women"
And hey . . .when they start pointing out my possible ...'shortcomings':
"Worried that tiny size will get you down?"
"The longer your tool is, the longer your fun in bed lasts"
"Do you want enlarge yours penis?"
"Make it reach your knee"
"Natural large hose maker"
"Wanna get a larger boner?"
"Power up your package"
"Put on inches instantly"
"Easiest way to gain mass"
"Be happy with measurements"
. . .well hey, that is the last straw, you bastards..!!
Geezus. Why doncha just come over and kick sand in my face..?? After all this you want me to click your e-mail open and read your message, eager to 'turn (my) bedroom life into a volcano of pleasure' by sending my money to you..?!?
Fat chance. Which just happens to be my wife's answer to my desire to 'put (my) doughnut in her oven tonight.'
Anyway, my thanks to Adger, Anibal, Antoinette, Aldridge, Alain, Adan, Adolf, Alair, Adlai, Alic, Alastair, Alfy, Alfonso, Adair, Aditya, Al (Al Davis for crying out loud..!!) Albie, Abram (you all noticing a pattern here..??) and all the rest.
Now get the hell out of my e-mail account..!!